Another day down

A short post. I'm so happy and sad. Maybe sad I'm so happy? My life with my husband may not always be perfect, but I consider it to be pretty darn close. We go through ups and downs just like every marriage does, but lately it's all ups. I think with our time coming to and end, (ok, a really long pause), we are trying to make the most of everything. Every minute together seems to be enhanced tot he fullest and I wonder if that's going to make it even harder to say good-bye. Talk about bittersweet. I don't hate the army. I know this was his job and I knew this would be our life. I'm proud that he does what he does so other people aren't forced to. But it's scary. We have lost some VERY dear friends, and as much as he says, or anyone else says, he'll be fine, I can't help but think that's what everyone says. But not everyone comes home. I'm sure you're wondering why I put such a horrible thing on here, but it's my reality. It's something that is possible. Sucks huh? Anyway, I'm ready for him to be home already. I guess I'll have to see him off first though. :P Well, he just walked in with a haircut he's not thrilled about, so let me go tend to this. Catch ya later.

My heart is shattering

I am still horrible at writing, thinking that maybe I'll improve upon this upcoming deployment. I'm not even sure what I'm going to write about this time. My husband is leaving for Iraq two and half days, and day and a half before our four year anniversary. It's sad, but he didn't let me down. He treated me to a five star dinner with music and dancing upon the Honolulu Star cruise ship last night. It was a PERFECT night. I think I started crying about three times throughout the night because it was THAT perfect and I didn't want it to end. Today we went to the golf course at Ko Olina and I rode along side my husband as he played nine holes of golf and I read a book. It was a beautiful day. Warm but overcast with cool winds, and again we were blessed with another perfect day together. We then met up with two dear friends Jeff and Lisa as we bid farewell to Jeff for the next year. My heart broke for Lisa as I knew that come morning, she would have to send off her husband to war as I so dread doing to mine. I know she'll be ok though. She's a strong woman and she'll probably be the one comforting me.

Meanwhile, as I write I look to the future and know I have two full days with my husband. I hope they are as perfect as can be. I hope the days will suddenly accrue more hours, but I watch the clock and it seems as if the next day is in a rush to get here. No plans tomorrow. Maybe enjoy a day at the beach or a movie. I look around at everyone around me, and even though it looks as if we are living the same life, we are in denial of what's coming. I know that in three days, most of the people I see together will be eating at a table at dinner, while my family, my heart and soul, is on a plane to defend the freedom that allows that to be. That's ok though. I'm proud of him. I know he will come back and we will put this behind us. Even though this is our third deployment, and I know it won't last forever, it doesn't make it any easier. I have to drop him off at the buses, try and drive safely home through tear filled eyes and spend the next year alone in a home we made together. Scooter and Bailey are the only thing that comfort me in the emptiness of my home during deployment. Thank God I have them. This has to be the hardest deployment for me. I know I should be coming to terms with it, but I feel like the only way I can possibly cope and make these last two days enjoyable at all is to ignore the inevitable, and stay in a fog of denial. I'm in for a rude awakening. Sad.